Now when I say a few days, I mean a few days until people can talk to me about something innocuous without me turning into a blubbering mess.
It takes time to get over these things but you do and for the most part you grow.
It hard though little things can throw you off kielter.
I have been dealing with family stuff and money stress for a while now. My mother lives abroad which you are all aware of and soon My friend will be off too.
Though I am so very happy he is finally getting the opportunity to do this and how I always want him to be happy, I have become acutely aware that my best friend of around 8 years won't be down the road anymore.
I realise with modern technology these days that I won't be completely disconnected and I know I am being a little stupid but its hard you know.
Hard not to miss a constant in your life when it is essentially ripped away, to get it back for a time, to be severed again. Though that seems dramatic it is essentially what is happening.
As you know I hate to feel vulnerable, I hate asking for help, I don't take help well or gifts. I love being self sufficient and not needing anyone. Though I completely love my friends for trying and offering to help, I weirdly get mad at myself for reacting in a way that makes them feel like they need to even offer to help.
I know that seems weird but it is how I am wired. I know, I know I do these things for my friends without hesitation, so why not accept it from my friends. I have no answer. I find it extremely hard to lose the control of fending for myself, Especially since with the exception of my mother there has been thus far only one person I would allow to do this. Though I don’t like it I am able to ask for help and accept it from him and soon he’ll be gone.
I am absolutely fine with this. I’ll just miss him.
I hate that my brain explodes with words sometimes.
I feel like I throw them at people and then get mad at myself for lumping my problems on others.
So I am sorry, I am having a moment, it will pass.
Bare with me, Normal silliness will return shortly.